I’ve come to tell you more wonderful amazing stories about my super eventful life. Get ready to be blown away.
I was recently hired at a call center, as a summer job. It’s a great job for a college student – pays well, looks good on a resume, a REAL JOB… you know, all the perks. I even get my own cubicle. And desk and phone and computer and garbage can. It’s pretty rad.
I’m going to describe the different kinds of people that call in, and include some conversations I’ve had with customers, for your entertainment. We have crazies. We have super-olds. We have guilt-trippers. We have dummies. The list goes on and on. And of course I’m not including the obvious NICE PEOPLE that call in, because those stories are boring…. Even though I would rather have only nice people call in. Realize that 75% of calls are nice people, I’m only talking about the evil 25%. KEEP CALLING, NICE PEOPLE! YOU MAKE MY LIFE BETTER!
In this job, I encounter all of the kinds of people you never want to meet. Actually, it’s probably regular people that you know that are usually super nice, but as soon as they get on the phone with a call center agent, they turn into giant crazy rage-monsters that have no grasp on reality or rationality, and all of a sudden they’re the center of the online-orders universe. And apparently that is a REALLY important universe.
Today, I will tell you a story about a Crazy. This is a call I got the other day, and this lady was super upset. I completely understand her reasoning… after all, she is the center of the online-orders universe, which, as we’ve established, is SUPER IMPORTANT. As a side note: Mbr stands for member, as in members/customers of the company that I am now a part of.
Me: “Good Morning! This is Amanda, how can I help you?”
Mbr: “Hey how are you doing today?”
Me: “Oh I’m doing well, how—“
Mbr: “—I’ve got an issue with—“
Awkward silence because I accidentally unleashed the scary monster when I thought she cared about how I was today…
Mbr: “DID I ASK HOW YOU WERE DOING??? $%^*%^&(“
Me: “…No. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have interrupted you…”
Mbr: “LET ME SPEAK TO A SUPERVISOR YOU STUPID GIRL!!!”
Me: “May I ask for some information first, that I can provide to my supervisor?“
Mbr: “No.”
Me: “Okay let me get a supervisor for you right away. Would you mind holding?”
Mbr: “No, but TURN THAT STUPID HOLD MUSIC OFF”
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t control what happens while you’re on hold.”
Mbr: “Well CALL ME BACK”
Me: “I am not able to call you back, ma’am.”
Mbr: “Oh fine. Well what are you waiting for? PUT ME ON HOLD ALREADY!!!”
*Holds*
Me: “Hello ma’am?
Mbr: “Yes, hello?”
Me: “Hello.”
Mbr: “Hello?”
Me: “Hello!”
Mbr: “HELLO! WHAT!”
Me: “Okay ma’am I’m going to transfer you over to a supervisor, but before I do, I’m going to need a little more information. Is that okay?”
Mbr: “Yes, of course dear.”
Me: “Okay, may I ask what this is regarding?”
Mbr: “Well, I’m really upset because you DON’T HAVE DR. PEPPER ON YOUR WEBSITE AND THAT’S JUST UNBELIEVABLE AHHHH %^&*^&*)&_!”
Me: “Oh… I’m sorry about that ma’am…”
Mbr: “Well do you have it or not?”
Me: “No ma’am, we don’t have Dr. Pepper on our website.”
Mbr: “Well I THINK YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO PULL THE WOOL OVER MY EYES!!!”
Me: No, I promise you ma’am, I would never lie to a member. If you can’t find it on our website, that means we are not currently selling that product online.”
Mbr: “BULL!@#$%!!”
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, would you repeat that one more time?”
Mbr: “YOU’RE BULL!@#$ING ME! Let me speak to a supervisor NOW!”
Me: “Okay ma’am, I’ll transfer you over now.”
Mbr: “Thanks, sweetie.”
My brain: “What Just Happened?”
That is an example of a Crazy. Friends and fellows, please do not call in to a call center and turn into a Crazy. First of all, go buy Dr. Pepper at a grocery store. If it’s not online, I promise the world isn’t going to end. That’s a weird thing to order online anyways. Secondly, Dr. Pepper is not a secret item that I am purposefully hiding from you so that you can’t get it. Most of the time, when you call a call center, the people you are speaking with are not evil geniuses that are trying to steal your Dr. Pepper. If we don’t have it, we don’t have it. You talking to a supervisor is not going to make us put Dr. Pepper on our website.
But the less specific moral of the story is – Don’t turn into a scary monster when you make a call. It could be someone like me that you’re talking to. Forget about the fact that you’re being unreasonable and horrible in general – someone might repost it on the internet and you’ll feel bad later. Be nice when you call in! It’s so much easier and makes us want to be as helpful as possible to you.
-Amanda
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